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Martin Short releases new biography: How
I Ended Up so Desperate I Had to Shill for Companies that Will Help You Die
Early or Bankrupt, Whichever Comes First
I’m wondering now—was all that shilling just meant to get him out there as
advance-promo for his new book? How hard
up is this guy? How little work does he
have, or how little money does he have left?
How desperate do you have to be to shill for credit cards and potato
chips? Or, how many millions more does
he feel he really, really needs?
Saw Short on The Daily Show (Feb. 2, 2015). I remember Martin Short from SCTV days, and I, ah, must say that I really enjoyed his comedy. I surely thought he was very funny and maybe talented, too. He was a bit more one-note than most of his colleagues on the show, but there’s no doubting that he was one funny guy. I guess he was in movies, too, but I don’t think those are going down in comedy history, save one or two whose memory might be kept alive by ardent devotees of certain works (heck, I knew a guy who actually knew pretty much every line from Mother, Jugs & Speed, for crying out loud. That’s Mother, Jugs & Speed—if I hadn’t looked it up, I wouldn’t have realized it required an ampersand). I guess he’s been in plays and live shows, too, but I haven’t seen one. Oh, I’d go, if someone gave me a ticket. Or if I were in
But of course what I remember him for now is his recent shilling for
credit-card companies and potato-chip vendors.
So I’m just wondering if, anywhere in his new book, he explains why he
felt he was so hard-up and desperate that he had to do ads for immoral and
unhealthy products. . . ? Is such a topic
addressed? I must say, I probably won’t
be seeing his book anytime soon—but again, it’s not like I’d avoid it. He has done great comedic work. If the choice in a dentist’s office were People, Us, or his book, I’d pick it up.
If I were staring absently at a library trolley while I waited for
someone and the choice were Clive Cussler, Harold Robbins, or his book, I’d
pick it up. Knowing that he wants to
get me hooked on debt or fat, and that he’s raking in money from doing it,
certainly discourages me from actually actively looking for his book.
Ok, so that was it, the point of
my post—does anyone know why Martin Short was so desperate for cash or
attention that he agreed to shill for companies that contribute to the misery
and death of millions of North Americans?
I mean, it kind of is a real question, one that could be thought about from various angles, or, yes, just dismissed
as frivolous, which it may, but not exclusively, be.
And now, as this post peters out, I will offer a few more words--but
obviously they could never be enough—in pre-emptive defense against those who
might muster ire enough to tell me I’m a jerk for telling Martin Short what to
do.
I guess if I’m Martin Short, which I’m not, getting out there is what keeps
me alive. Doing some shtick, being in
front of the cameras, that’s oxygen; no cameras=death. I get it.
All celebrities pitch products.
Hey, if I were Martin Short, which I’m not, and Ford or Toyota came to
me and gave me a spanking new vehicle with all the bangles (that I could keep
or give away to someone, and whose options I could not find at a dealership),
and drove me around and showed me all the neat new things it had, yeah, sure,
I’d probably find myself thinking up some grateful shtick for it and raking in
the royalties. Money, even when you
don’t need it, must be nice to acquire, and since the vehicle is free, it’s not
like you’d end up with ruinous financing terms that sink so many working people
and families. Critics, and studio
backers, don’t critique ads nearly like they critique turkey-flop movies—bad
ads actually can be good for your career; bad movies, maybe not so much. Maybe Marty wants to become the next Shatner,
who has become a kind of advertising meme unto himself—with Shatner, both the
product and the pitchman kind of become irrelevant, but that Shatner, the meme,
is situated alongside the logo, in itself gives a kind of credence to the
effability of the logo, or, product.
Many might say, hey, nobody put a gun to your head telling you to get a
credit card or buy a bag of potato chips.
But that’s just being simplistic and idiotic. Ever tried to rent a car or make a major
purchase or do just about anything without a credit card? Come on.
Credit cards used to be pitched as “convenient”—i.e., when you had no
cash, you could use credit. But in the
debit era, credit card companies had to insinuate new ways into your lives,
including not protecting you against hacking, etc. Of course I’ve had and have credit
cards. They don’t improve my life;
they’re a necessary evil and sometime nuisance I had no choice but to get in
order to do other basic human life things I had no trouble doing before I had
to get a credit card in order to be allowed to do them.
Have a look at the one that Marty pitches:
http://www.capitalone.ca/credit-cards/aspire-travel-world/
Only $120/year to own, and a tiny prime + 16.8% to carry around. No worries if you’re Marty Short—but, if you're not Marty Short, a
lifetime of misery if you make one slip-up, one bad decision, your card gets
hijacked, you experience an injury or a job loss or a. . .thing that might happen
in life to which CapitalOne is immune (too big to fail) but you are not. And this
is what Marty is desperate to pitch.
Or potato chips, and Marty’s proud new Pepsi partnership:
http://pepsico.ca/en/PressRelease/Martin-Short-partners-with-the-Lays-brand-and-invites-Canadians-to-create-the-br02042013.html
Now, do I like pop? I guess I
do. Do I like potato chips? Of course I do. That’s why I don’t buy them. I have a colleague who may be dead before 50
because she can’t stay away from them.
Do I have no bad habits? Of
course not. Do I have good habits? You bet I do.
Everyone has good and bad
habits and everyone is more or less
passionate about different ones. Given
the choice, I’d probably rather be locked in a room with someone who had only
bad habits as opposed to only good ones.
But that still does not explain why a mammothly wealthy person such as
Martin Short (just to get a little shtick and face time and enrich himself
superfluously) has to advertise for companies who have documented, long-term,
and virtually undeniable deleterious effects on a sizeable minority, if not a
majority, of the people who fall under their sway.
It’s a wonder to me.
-zr
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