Don Cherry Inaugurates Rob Ford in 2014

I jes wanna, jes wanna come down here and tell you kids, you kids out there, what a great guy Rob Ford is.  Now, now, maybe you’re sayin’ he’s a big crack smoker.  Maybe ok.  But I seen this guy smokin’ crack, and lord love ‘im, he smoked crack.  Heh, heh, I put him out there once at the BBQ in Mississauga, an’ boy that kid loved to smoke crack.

But he did it—you know why, you know why?  BECAUSE he loved to smoke crack; that’s why he did it, kids.  And doan let anyone tell you anything else in life.  You wanna smoke crack and get to be mayor, then you do that.  Doan let anyone tell you.  You coaches out there, I toald you. . . . .  Dis guy, dis guy. . . .

Well, c’mon c’mon what else I got?

But hey, I know I’m gonna get in trouble for dis, you people, you people who like to say—an-an-anyway—stop interruptin’—I say he’s a good boy, and geez I used to see him.  Saw him play waterboy for the tiny-mite Ice-Hogs. 

Thing about Rob—the thing about Rob is--is he just don’t like these, these people, callin’ ‘im names ‘n everyfink.  Get me mad too.  And you know, you know what you just doan wanna do, it’s get these boys mad atchew, ‘cuz then there’s gonna come some boys stick up for ya.’  It’s like Wensink I had.  He wannent no mad dog—got 20 goals for me--but boy, you doan wanna mess with him, alright!s  I seen Doug Ford, I ‘member Dougie Sr., guys’d rip your throat out, but anyway, just sayin.’  That’s the way we did it back then!!

Alright, what else we got?  So like I’m sayin,’ guy comes down to the City Hall, buncha weirdos down there an’ I dunno.  Guy just tries to make it right, take care a business!!  That’s all.  You’d think, you’d think, these people’d say “thank you,” but whadda we get?  Whadda we get??  Hoa people.

I’m just sayin,’ if it was you people.  Fine broth of a lad, Robbie.  Maybe Chunky like I did with this stiff ‘ere, anyway.  What else we got?

So this guy, this guy, is the kinda guy you wanna go to war with.  Smokin’ crack, whatever.  You people, you people just don’t get it.  Kids, everyone wants an obese idiot who drinks vodka and drives and smokes crack.  You coaches out there, you gotta stop sayin’ “oh, I’m the hoity-toity.”  Come off it!!  Nobody else wants to be around there when he is.  You wanna have ‘em ridin’ shotgun, just like Semenko.

Now, now, now I wanna get to something that really breaks me up here, it’s about a guy, fireman guy, lord love him, he was just 28, 2 kids, comin’ home, tried to help somebody when he was off duty, turns out some crack-smokin’ pinko run ‘im down when he was just tryin’ to help, off duty an’ everything.  So this one is for major-sargeant-brigade-major-reserves-princess-patricias-firemean dude—lord love him.  Thumbs up.

-zr