Alberta Premier Redford
Insists Elected Senators Best Way
to Maximize Entitlements
(CPC) – Speaking this past weekend to supporters and
supportive media, Alberta Premier Alison Redford asserted that elected senators
were the best way to ensure democratic entitlements for Conservatives.
She went to particular lengths to laud
Alberta’s elected
senator, Bert Brown, for his achievements.
In 2011, this poor, tough, gnarled ex-farmer was able to spring to the head
of the pack and record the highest taxpayer hit of anyone in the red chamber—a
whopping 331k before his six-figure salary and astonishingly lucrative pension.
http://news.nationalpost.com/2011/11/09/canadas-only-elected-senator-also-the-most-expensive/ “Say, say no more about what this man may
have or did not do,”
Redford said, “for he was
truly the multi-million dollar man.”
“Imagine,” she continued, “almost from a child, Bertie had one particular
goal in mind, and that was to suck at the public teat like no man ever
before.
So dauntless, so ambitious, so
determined was he, that he even scored into his land 3 letters that could even
be seen from above!
Yes, they were all
the same letter--the letter ‘E’-- but they had a special meaning then, not just
Sesamean, then as now.
Enriched,
Entitled, Excrescent—Bertie told me this last word had been revealed to him by
a passing preacher, who saw a rainbow to the left of Bertie’s farmstead with
the 6-truck garage.”
Analysts observed that, in the recent provincial election,
electors were able to choose on their ballots up to three
“senators-in-waiting”; this being Alberta, as with the Soviet Union or the PRI
Mexico, three Conservatives were chosen.
Those privy to the ballots noted an unusual number of spoiled or null
paper slips.
To an unusual—possibly even
majority—extent (only Elections Alberta would have to come clean), many ballots
were marked by electors, reflexively, only with an ‘X’ for the first named
Conservative candidate, Doug Black.
Black, of course, has a distinguished Tory record—he stepped down from
his post as Chair of the University Calgary’s Board of Governors after
admitting that his regal hotel, flight, and booze expenses were eventually
noted somehow (
http://globalnews.ca/news/294395/doug-black-steps-down-following-expense-scandal/)
Redford averred, “we must
keep making sure that these redolent individuals go to the senate. If we don’t,” she warned, Conservatives just
won’t be entitled to their entitlements anymore."
Redford offered two tips for
being democratically elected. First, she
observed, one ought to get in line with Tory objectives; a big donation was a
good start so that you could run
under the Tory banner. Then, a name
change. Aardvark, Stephen, made you a
shoo-in, provided you were under, and had paid the requisite amount to be
under, the Conservative banner.
Premier Redford then reflected, citing a personal
example.
“Look, I got in saying I’d
increase education funding.
Then I cut
it back.
This is red meat for the base,
and we only need 30% + 5.
You say, ‘oh,
well, those people you lied to won’t vote for you again.’
I say, ‘they won’t vote again, and that’s the
rub.’
A docile,
and disaffected electorate is the key. We all know that we’ve been
keeping voting rates down for decades now, and the downward trend is
positive.
We only need 5%, and if it
looks like the Wild Rose is a threat, then we can out robocall them
anyday—this, this is up to you my friends.” (
http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/Tories+demand+probe+Wildrose+robocalls/8447077/story.html)
Premier Redford paused momentarily to reflect on family
values. “I think of my daughter, Sarah;
her private school tuition in southwest Calgary
is now well over 30k/pa. Now, that’s
enough almost to _pay_ a teacher, or for countless school lunches. If we as Conservatives, if we *fail* to
entitle ourselves to entitlements, then pretty soon everyone but us is going to
be expecting us to help them pay for little junior or little junioress to just
go to school and get educated—and that is wrong. Read the history books. The senate was founded to ensure that
commoners could not subvert privileged classes.
It’s just gross.”
Redford closed by offering:
“And this is why I pray to you, my supporters, that you
support Doug Black as the next great
Alberta
senator.
For he, and only he, has proven
that he has the right mix of entitlement and disregard of basic human qualities
to advance us forward.
The poor don’t
vote, and this is in their best interests, of course, but should they choose
to, they must always look up to us,
Alberta
style, and believe that they, too, could once command the highest office by
lying and gloating.
If we don’t, we as
Conservatives, then the next thing you know, your very own children could end
up getting educated next to other children who didn’t pay 33k per year.
You wouldn’t be able to hide your money, like
my friend Jim Flaherty has expressly worked for!
http://www.ctvnews.ca/video?playlistId=1.1223543
You can’t let us down!”
“We must have an elected senate,” Redford
insisted. “Our very future, that of your
entitled Conservative children and mine, is at stake.”
-zr
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